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Sharing Responsibility with Children
by Tammy Vaughn, Director of Early
Childhood, Children's Hunger Alliance
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Originally published in the November, 2004 Columbus Parent Magazine.
Reprinted by permission.
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DAYTON - You may be surprised to find out that you don't own it all. Your spouse and children
are also stakeholders in the success of your family and should be included in the plan to achieve a level of balance
that is fair to everyone. I think we should call it work/life imbalance. Chances are it will never be perfectly
balanced for most of us. It is tolerable and manageable, however, if we learn to prioritize, delegate and communicate.
When we graduate into adulthood, the art of sharing transforms into the art of delegating. Children
balk at sharing, and adults struggle with delegating.
Delegating isn't the cruel act our minds would have us believe, and our children should be included
when dolling out responsibilities that support the household. Let's focus on the potential that children have and
how they can contribute to work/life success.
Children are amazing. They should be given many opportunities to showcase their potential. I remember
my first year teaching in a Head Start classroom. On my first day, my co-teacher carried a pitcher of milk out
of the kitchen as we prepared for lunch. I knew meals were family style, but when I saw the pitcher of milk, a
little voice in my head said, "Surely she doesn't expect these 3-year-olds will be able to pour milk from
that pitcher into the micro-glasses sitting in font of them?" I was frightened because I know that we would
soon all be drowning in milk.
That was my first lesson in the potential of children. As the pitcher made its way around the table,
barely a drop was misplaced. A few glasses danced around until little hands gripped them tightly, and a few glasses
were really, really full.
As I watched this process unfold, I realized that some of these children were pouring milk into
a glass for the first time. How were they so successful? They'd been watching grown-ups do this for three years,
it was about time they tried it on their own. There were a few challenges, but challenges help us grown.
It someone tells us when to stop pouring, we miss out on a hands-on opportunity to learn about
space and estimation. Children want to be successful, and they revel in mastering new skills.
There are many tasks that young children can do to help at home. Most children can be given responsibilities
as young as 2 years old. Sometimes we fall into the trap of doing it ourselves because it's quicker and easier.
That may hold true in the short term, but over time, as children master the skills we've taught them, their contributions
become very credible. Too often, we give children a task that is only aimed at keeping them busy. Giving children
meaningful chores and responsibilities adds value to the experience for them and adds valuable contributions to
the family.
As they develop and master new skill sets, be careful not to overdo it with praise. Praise is good
in moderation, but too much praise can become meaningless.
Children will sometimes avoid more difficult challenges if they have been conditioned to expect
praise because the more difficult task may not result in instantaneous praise. Also, be sure to praise the action/result
and not the individual. Try using, "You tried to tie your show!" or "You tied your shoe!" rather
than, "You're great!" Otherwise, failed attempts become inappropriately connected to self-image, and
self-esteem is very much under construction at a young age.
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BOOKSHELF
- Mrs. Clean Jean's Housekeeping with Kids: Family Pick U p Lines (and Household Routines)
That Work with Less Work from You by Tara Aronson
- Oh, Grow Up!: Poems to Help You Survive Parents, Chores, School, and Other Afflictions by
Florence Parry Heide, Roxanne Heide Pierce, and Nadine Bernard Westcott.
- Pigsty by Mark Teague
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CHECKLIST: CHORE TIME
What can children do to help around the house? Listed below are activities sorted by age group
that children can dive into and for which they can be held accountable.
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| TODDLERS: |
PRESCHOOLERS: |
SCHOOOL AGE: |
Choose clothes
Wipe table
Help set dinner table
Help put away groceries
Put own toys away |
Feed pets
Water plants
Clear dinner table
Dust furniture
Sort laundry
Pack lunches |
Rake, shovel snow
Exercise pets
Put trash out
Help prepare meals
Vacuum
Fold laundry |
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